LAMENTATIONS…

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I think it would have

Been hard to say ‘goodbye’

But it aches to

Not be granted the chance

Closure is imperative

I needed it … a lot

 

I needed to look

In those eyes again

And watch them

Shine with laughter

I longed to walk

Into those arms, one more time

Just to feel the warmth

Go away from me

The warmth I’ve come

To wait for and

Will now crave

 

I needed to look into

Your face and memorize each etched feature

As I physically said the words

“Good bye and good luck”

 

And I needed to

Watch and feel

Your hand slip from

Mine as you

Physically walked away

From me

 

If wishes were probable

What a happy woman I could really be

But alas, I must show respect

And release you back to your norm

 

And so I must now

Console myself

With memories of

Deep links, naughty, stolen winks

Unspoken words

And glances that spoke volumes

 

I will now lock up my

Treasure chest

And do what’s best

For everyone

While I plan for the

Next time I raise the lid

And dust off what’s been hid

Then I will hold my tears

In as I play among my memories

And silently thank you

For showing me

What I truly deserve

And remember that I

Must not and cannot

Accept anything less

For you showed me the best

 

Fare well … go safely

Into the midnight blue

Remember I’m thinking of you

And sending you a little bit of my heart

As we now mentally part

I’ll sit in my corner and dry my tears

Pull myself together and get in gear

For the next phase

God help me

But dear God, make the

Next one who attempts to

Take my heart

So very, VERY much like…

HIM…

HOW TO ROMANCE A PISCES

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I received this message in the mail … take a look … I think it’s pretty accurate (Smile)

The following is a brief overview of how someone with their Sun, Moon, or rising sign in the sign of Pisces may behave in romantic relationships.

Pisces live for love, but they don’t just want any old relationship … they want to lose themselves by fully merging with a soul mate. The words “love bug” and “cuddle bunny” come to mind when thinking of a Pisces in love.

Both women and men of this sign crave relationships, and are happiest with someone to connect with deeply. Ironically, those of this natural 12th sign (the sign and house of isolation and retreat) don’t do so well alone… though they can be very shy and sensitive, causing them to hibernate.

I call them the “best-kept secret in town…”

Unless afflicted, they’re generous, soulful, romantic people who make supportive, giving partners. They so long for union and deep connection that they have to be careful of “settling” and not holding out for that soul mate. Their attachments can be fickle and fleeting, causing them to “love the one they’re with.”
You see, this is a water sign and a mutable one to boot – meaning, they tend to change with the scenery, and so can their emotions. One moment they’re weeping at a TV commercial about kittens, the next they’re laughing at something funny in an email, and the next they’re sharing deep wisdom about a spiritual truth.
So you never can be sure who’s going to answer the door when visiting these “fragile flowers.” Pisces is symbolized by two fishes swimming in opposite directions – there are many interpretations of what this means; but the symbol of water almost always means the emotions, and swimming in two directions is indicative of the sometimes confused, indecisive way they move through life.
So many things can seem interesting, and draw their focus. This is considered the most thin-skinned, impressionable sign of the zodiac, so it’s critical that they surround themselves with those who honor their tender feelings and are healthy.
They have to be very careful who they give their heart to, because over time they’ll morph into a version of that person – taking on their beliefs, mannerisms, style, and values.
You know those people who grow to look like their pets? They’re probably Pisces.
In love, they follow their heart over their head, and have to be extremely careful of picking lovers who aren’t good for them.
This is the sign most likely to say the dreaded words “but I LOVE him,” when treated
badly. OVER-GIVING, over-accommodating, putting the needs of the other person FIRST, and avoiding confrontations at all costs are the greatest challenge of these watery beings in all of their relationships.
They have yet to learn that the word “no” is a complete sentence – and an actual word!
This is the natural sign of volunteering and self-sacrifice, so they make the best counselors, teachers, and consultants; but they should avoid picking partners who
need HELP, and do all that counseling, teaching, and consulting ON THE CLOCK and FOR PAY – not in their private lives…
One of their other romantic strengths and challenges is that Pisces is ruled by Jupiter – the most wise and optimistic planet in the solar system. So, their Jupiterian nature LOVES to uplift and inspire others, and always believes in the best of people, only seeing their good qualities, and giving them too much benefit of the doubt. Let’s just say they could use a few more “street smarts” and a little less empathy.
Jesus’ advice to “turn the other cheek” and forgive endlessly is a VERY Piscean ideal … beautiful but potentially dangerous in one-on-one relationships.
Speaking of Jesus, Pisces LOVE having a spiritual life, able to easily meditate and take to other spiritual practices such as yoga and chanting.
They’re often found in places of spiritual retreat such as yoga classes, ashrams, and
monasteries.
(This is the sign of mystics…)
And they LOVE the arts – especially the emotional arts like music, drama, and poetry. They’re creative, alluring dreamers and need a partner who appreciates what they have to contribute.
Because of their deep, soulful emotional sensitivity, they have great spiritual gifts and
incredible intuition. Pay attention to their “take” on things, and their advice – their gut instincts are always right on, even though they aren’t skilled at following them themselves…
Their intensity of feelings can lead them to self-medicate and do things to NUMB OUT – such as over-eating, over-spending, or drinking and drugs…
Let’s just say boundaries, structure, and doing “grown up” things like paying the bills on time and keeping their affairs organized aren’t their strength.
“Going with the flow” and soaring to high creative, mystical heights are. They long to please, and don’t mind letting a lover lead – especially in the bedroom. (Wink, wink…)
If in love with a Pisces, be sure to be a patient listener – they NEED to share their
innermost thoughts and feelings and thrive on lots of attention…
They feel soothed by animals and nature, and especially enjoy being around water. When stressed, they need to withdraw from the world. The best way to comfort a Pisces is through something soft and loving – they long to be touched, massaged, bathed, and petted. They DO NOT respond well to “tough love” or constructive feedback, and take any criticism way too hard.
Though they’re MORE than willing to admit their faults – and take the blame for things that are not their responsibility. When upset, they’ll withdraw and pout, being a “silent screamer” over any other kind.
A Pisces will almost never speak in anger or be cruel unless something else is going on in their stars. In fact, it takes A LOT to make them angry – they’ll give and give and give and give and give and give, all the while saying, “I’m fine…”
But they do have a limit, and when they hit it – WATCH OUT. Silent screaming begins… And it’s deafening!
On dates they’ll love Hallmark Card moments – walks hand-in-hand by the ocean, the sharing of innermost feelings, reading by the fire, watching the sunset, and gazing deeply into their lover’s eyes. They’ll prefer quiet nights for two to exciting
social events with groups.
Though natural homebodies, they love to travel, especially to distant far-flung places or islands.
To win one over, do something heroic and generous like rescue a lost dog, or feed the
hungry … read up on the lives of saints and the teachings of the world’s religions. Memorize lines of Rumi and Shakespeare, and have lots of candles, bubble bath, and mood music on hand.
If you’re willing to be the more “in the world,” organized person of the two of you and
remain un-phased by their moods, this can be a lover and partner to be so grateful for.
There’s nothing they won’t do for the one they love. So life with a Pisces will be a dreamy, romantic adventure, full of snuggles, support, art, and passion.
You may not know that there are actually THREE signs within the sign of Pisces, each with even more distinct, specific personality “quirks” and emotional needs.
You see, the very first system of astrology, Vedic astrology of India, looks to twenty-seven smaller constellations called “nakshatras” that were later incorporated into the twelve Greek signs. It’s these twenty-seven signs that tell you what you REALLY need to know – who you are, what matters most to you, and who you best get along
with.
Knowing what constellation a man is born into is THE way to know what he really needs and wants when it comes to love – and if you’re compatible with him or not.
May God and his planets and stars shower you with love!
Carol Allen
Yep! That’s us alright!

THE AWKWARD PAUSE…

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It’s that point when you get to the fork in the road.  It’s the fork in the road where you decide that you’re going ahead with the person or you’re moving on alone.  It’s that moment when you look at that person and see the LIES shining suspiciously in their eyes.  It’s the realization that the lies are just too much to live with anymore…

 It’s the momentary need to walk from life and die a private death.  It’s the mocking laughter of death as he jeers at you, making certain that you know that this ain’t your time … that you have to get up in the morning and face the music.  It’s the music that starts off as a dirge, morphs into the annoying tribal beat of a heart beat that shifts into the angry drone of techno.

 It’s the anger – first with the lying piece of excrement and then with self, as you realize that you felt it all along and chose to believe their pitch-reel of lies, half-truths and innuendo.  It’s the story that remains lodged in your psyche and repeats … like so much bad curry on an inflamed stomach, causing the incessant presence of emotional heart burn.  It’s the bitterness of bile rising to the surface and flowing on to your yet rising anger, hurt, betrayal, need to kill, to maim, to injure, to make suffering as palpable as your own, and so you …

                                                       PAUSE! Mid Sentence … Mid Rant … Mid Feeling … Mid Crisis.

  JUST … PAUSE … THEN CHOOSE … TO FREE SELF … TO SAVE SELF … TO RELEASE … TO LIVE!

It’s the realization that a Truer, Happier Life is the BEST REVENGE – a revenge that can only be savoured when you …

 PAUSE!!!

WANTED & NEEDED: INTERVENTION

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Today is one of those days when the only thing that comes to mind is the overwhelming need to SCREAM…

It’s been a while since I’ve had one of these … but it feels the way it always does … heavy, annoying, attention-grabbing, yucky.

It’s one of those days when everyone that I speak to tells me that I need to let go of the past. It’s one of those times when people are surprisingly intuitive where I’m concerned and are really concerned that I get out of the funk.

That happens because people can’t properly deal with me in this mood. They expect ‘Happy Deemay’, ‘Bubbly Deemay’, ‘Always willing to help Deemay’. It’s off putting when the person who normally picks up the pieces needs to have her pieces picked up. OH MY GOODNESS!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO??! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THE HEALER NEEDS HEALING???!

Yes, she does. She needs to be held and comforted and talked to and soothed. She needs to hear that someone is there for her, and not just to offer her lip service and platitudes. She needs genuine concern and feeling. Basically … she needs love … agape … filial. She needs her troupes to gather themselves together and be available for her. She needs for them to know this intrinsically and not have to be told.

Where’s the Ben & Jerry’s What-A-Cluster or the bottle of Manischewitz Blackberry that would soothe her savaged soul and ravaged feathers? Where is the phone call that lets her know that someone out there … anywhere is in tune with what ails her, even though she’s still tryng to figure out precisely which one of her situations has brought on the feeling of fucked up blue funk that she is currently waddling through…

Dear Lord, make this crap go away! Whatever the ties that need to be cut, let them be cut. Whatever the fear that lingers then let it leave …. Just free me from this feeling of free-falling into the Land of Melancholia. I can’t live there … I WON’T live there … somebody please, PLEASE come get me…

My hands are reaching skyward, and I’m waiting…

Hurry.

MAY 24, 2011 – ONE YEAR AFTER … HOW YUH FEEL?

I chose the title for this blog without giving much thought to the fact that I have an infamously short fuse; not to mention a way-too-low tolerance for bullshit.

How do I feel — REALLY?? The first words that spring to mind are … “WHAT??? YOU’RE JOKING RIGHT???!”, so incredulous is the question. The person who asks this has honestly been living under a huge-ass rock for a year.

NYEH NYEH – I TOLD YOU SO…
In a way, I feel vindicated. I said that no good would come of this holy People’s Partnership alliance and so far, no good has.

The unfortunate truth of the matter is that promises were their supposed future and broken promises are their present. There are thousands of citizens who are now mumbling and grumbling as they wonder why they signed on with the party in power – particularly the public servants and the people once employed by the CPEP programme. These are the people that they wooed, wined and dined with promises of higher wages, of job security, of integration into the services, of nests feathered with an endless supply of monetary goodies. They promised milk and honey and delivered cardboard and charcoal.

“COME CELEBRATE OUR YEAR OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS!”
Uhhhh … hello!!! What accomplishments?? You have done nothing more than take the credit for plans, projects and policies already in train; and not only have you taken the credit, you’ve been petty as hell about it. A prime example of same would be the ribbon cutting ceremony for the Powder Magazine Walk Over – the one with the elevators and ramps on both sides. This was the brainchild of then Minister of Works, Hon. Colm Imbert, yet JACK-IN-THE-BOX cuts the ribbon and does not deem it fit to invite Mr Imbert because as JACKASS-BOY puts it “H-h-h-h-e-e take t-t-tooo long!” PETTINESS!!!

The project is not … WAS not yours to take the glory for. It has been the same cry nationwide. None of your ideas have been original, so basically you’re doing stitches for another surgeon’s operation, Drs. Dread.

Mr Panday was brilliantly precise when he described the PP Government as FUNCITONAL, because that’s all you’ve been doing – going to functions; that and increasing your frequent flyer miles.

I BEEN HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE…
Must be nice travelling every other week, especially when you don’t have to pay. Why should you when there are so many giving taxpayers to rob … I mean rely on. It’s gotta be good being the PM – or one of her ministers/friends/family members/dog/cat/parakeet/hairdresser/stylists/side piece … cuz you know you’ll eventually get a trip or a hundred to somewhere. It must be great turning up in some foreign land or another, showing off your entourage – all under the guise of seeking the country’s interest. I’m sure that I’m not the only one awaiting the arrival of all of these supposed foreign investors for Trini … and I mean new ones, not the ones already courted by the former regime and the ones who were already putting ideas into action and landing on our shores. So yeah … you’re the ONLY one believing your hype.

HOW DO I REALLY FEEL??!
As a nation we feel hoodwinked, bamboozled, duped and run amok upon.

Personally I’M MAD AS HELL. Everyone who had a yellow t-shirt, some doubt and a voice went the way of CHANGE. Yeah we got change alright. We had a dollar and we changed it for five cents. Right now it looks as if we are still owed four of those five. Some of the newly disenchanted are attempting to soothe their wounds by saying that it wasn’t change but EXCHANGE.

BULLSHIT

This was not exchange, by any rate. Yes we had mismanagement, but dammit, it was manageable. There were instances of nepotism, but not like this. Crime existed and has always been a problem, but not on SO HIGH a level – and yes the rate is high, not matter how they attempt to doctor the headlines. There are crimes being committed and people being killed that are not being reported in a nasty attempt to drive the figures down. Racism is at an all time high, but hey … we’re alright – right???!

I am sick to my stomach as I watch my country unravel at its jagged seams.

We are sitting on a powder keg people. Wake up and smell the Johnny Walker Double Black and Grey Goose flavored coffee – a mixture that leaves a stench of vomit, greed, sex, lies, innuendo and ‘other’ unholy alliances behind.

Change? Yeah … change for the worst, alright …

Exchange? OH HELL NO!!! Not by along shot!!!

Are you prepared to deal with this particularly nightmarish scenario for another four years???

Be honest with yourself … a year has passed – how do YOU feel??!

Ah gorne!!!

REALITY CHECK – YOU MAY NEED TO GET OFF THE SOCIAL NETWORKING TRAIN …

IF:

You take offence everytime someone approaches you in a manner that you are not used to…

Your friend list isn’t growing because you believe that every member of the opposite sex is trying to get with you …

Your friend list isn’t growing because you believe that every member of the SAME SEX is trying to get with you …

You’re offended by everyone who talks to you…

You’re offended that NO ONE talks to you…

You have members of your own family on your block list (That last joke was just so very wrong, Cousin Ed!!!)…

You get incensed when people copy your carefully crafted, original quotations and use them as their own ,,, nevermind they quote your name as well …

You are ticked because other users copy those adorable doggie and kittie piccies that you posted. HOW DARE THEY??!

You have abso-frickin’-lutely no concept of PUBLIC DOMAIN…

You believe every instruction broadcasted on BBM, and you’re not only pissed at the sender for not cross referencing and double checking the results, but you’re pissed at yourself for yet again hitting ‘SEND’ …

You’re mad at people for not respecting your time and rest — nevermind that you’re up at 3AM changing your profile pic and status…

You don’t get that SOCIAL means INTERACTIVE, not SOCIAL as in the sense of ‘SOCIAL DORA’ (Trini reference), or for the rest of the planet, ANTI-SOCIAL. It ain’t a reference to your auntie; it’s a comment on your friggin’, unfriendly mindset and disposition …

You don’t get that stumbledupon means that you WILL BE FOUND. Yep … there it is again … PUBLIC DOMAIN…

You believe the government is monitoring your every move via your facebook account since you posted the other day that you really do love the opposition party…

You don’t get that ICQ means ‘I SEEK YOU’, so that people will ACTUALLY SEEK YOU OUT — the morons!!!

This is just the tip of the Social Networking mountain. Lemme know what your thoughts are … don’t be shy – not that any of you REALLY are …

THREE LITTLE WORDS…

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THREE LITTLE WORDS …

Yeah I know you were expecting “I love you”, but I have come across three words that pertain to me — and right now they hold more power.

You see … these words are very much alike yet they are extremely different –

DEER, DEAR, DARE…

Confused much? Don’t be …

DEER

I’ve been, I sadly confess, a deer caught in headlights – waiting to be rescued by someone who would tell me that I didn’t need to say anything … that they understood and heard what was in my heart. I’ve stood in those headlights, longing for the arrival of my supposed Knight in shining armour, who would step out from behind those bright as hell headlights and scoop me up into his strong and competent arms from the path of the oncoming ‘chariot’ and save me from all impending danger. Unfortunately it never happened … the knight didn’t arrive, at least not in time – and invariably I was left to languish under the bus, wallowing in unrequited love, hurt, disappointment, anger and sadness. The ones that I kept near and dear before didn’t hold me in such high esteem. They preferred what they preferred and usually it was someone who they declared to be toxic and unworthy of their love and my worry. The truth is that they declared this so many times that their speeches usually ended up being read by the Universe as declarations of love and passion.

Having seen the cold hard light of dawn, I would be the one to detach and free them to languish in their self imposed toxicity while I licked my wounds … silently – yet again – wondering why it is they couldn’t see what I couldn’t say … all because no one held me …

DEAR

Oh to be dear to someone … that’s really all I’ve wanted – to be held in high and precious regard … to be the one whom others are willing to tilt at windmills for, and to feel moved to do the same.

To be dear is to be precious … to be thought of as special, worth fighting for, even if it means fighting with self. Holding someone dear makes us dear ourselves. Just as our dear ones glow, so do we … as they smile, so do we … it’s a wonderfully symbiotic relationship. Being held dear allows us permission to …

DARE

Dare to be different … dare to step out of the headlights … dare to speak out and into your own life. We dare to say all of the things that we’ve been storing up inside while we stood in those infamous headlights. We dare to be true to self and to the ones we hold dear. Finally we get to the point where nothing short of a watershed moment would give life to all that we have wanted so desperately to speak into being … to give life to.

So basically …
I was a deer until someone held me dear and as a result I now dare to be all the things that others believed that I could be – even when I didn’t – and all the things that I knew were locked deep inside but didn’t dare be.

I am changing, journey with me … I am a work in progress, but what progress I have made … all because I have now taken the time to dare …

Today I dare to fall through my fears because unless I do, I will never know what waits for me, and I will never sprout the appropriate wings that I will need for this flight…