LAMENTATIONS…

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I think it would have

Been hard to say ‘goodbye’

But it aches to

Not be granted the chance

Closure is imperative

I needed it … a lot

 

I needed to look

In those eyes again

And watch them

Shine with laughter

I longed to walk

Into those arms, one more time

Just to feel the warmth

Go away from me

The warmth I’ve come

To wait for and

Will now crave

 

I needed to look into

Your face and memorize each etched feature

As I physically said the words

“Good bye and good luck”

 

And I needed to

Watch and feel

Your hand slip from

Mine as you

Physically walked away

From me

 

If wishes were probable

What a happy woman I could really be

But alas, I must show respect

And release you back to your norm

 

And so I must now

Console myself

With memories of

Deep links, naughty, stolen winks

Unspoken words

And glances that spoke volumes

 

I will now lock up my

Treasure chest

And do what’s best

For everyone

While I plan for the

Next time I raise the lid

And dust off what’s been hid

Then I will hold my tears

In as I play among my memories

And silently thank you

For showing me

What I truly deserve

And remember that I

Must not and cannot

Accept anything less

For you showed me the best

 

Fare well … go safely

Into the midnight blue

Remember I’m thinking of you

And sending you a little bit of my heart

As we now mentally part

I’ll sit in my corner and dry my tears

Pull myself together and get in gear

For the next phase

God help me

But dear God, make the

Next one who attempts to

Take my heart

So very, VERY much like…

HIM…

HOW TO ROMANCE A PISCES

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I received this message in the mail … take a look … I think it’s pretty accurate (Smile)

The following is a brief overview of how someone with their Sun, Moon, or rising sign in the sign of Pisces may behave in romantic relationships.

Pisces live for love, but they don’t just want any old relationship … they want to lose themselves by fully merging with a soul mate. The words “love bug” and “cuddle bunny” come to mind when thinking of a Pisces in love.

Both women and men of this sign crave relationships, and are happiest with someone to connect with deeply. Ironically, those of this natural 12th sign (the sign and house of isolation and retreat) don’t do so well alone… though they can be very shy and sensitive, causing them to hibernate.

I call them the “best-kept secret in town…”

Unless afflicted, they’re generous, soulful, romantic people who make supportive, giving partners. They so long for union and deep connection that they have to be careful of “settling” and not holding out for that soul mate. Their attachments can be fickle and fleeting, causing them to “love the one they’re with.”
You see, this is a water sign and a mutable one to boot – meaning, they tend to change with the scenery, and so can their emotions. One moment they’re weeping at a TV commercial about kittens, the next they’re laughing at something funny in an email, and the next they’re sharing deep wisdom about a spiritual truth.
So you never can be sure who’s going to answer the door when visiting these “fragile flowers.” Pisces is symbolized by two fishes swimming in opposite directions – there are many interpretations of what this means; but the symbol of water almost always means the emotions, and swimming in two directions is indicative of the sometimes confused, indecisive way they move through life.
So many things can seem interesting, and draw their focus. This is considered the most thin-skinned, impressionable sign of the zodiac, so it’s critical that they surround themselves with those who honor their tender feelings and are healthy.
They have to be very careful who they give their heart to, because over time they’ll morph into a version of that person – taking on their beliefs, mannerisms, style, and values.
You know those people who grow to look like their pets? They’re probably Pisces.
In love, they follow their heart over their head, and have to be extremely careful of picking lovers who aren’t good for them.
This is the sign most likely to say the dreaded words “but I LOVE him,” when treated
badly. OVER-GIVING, over-accommodating, putting the needs of the other person FIRST, and avoiding confrontations at all costs are the greatest challenge of these watery beings in all of their relationships.
They have yet to learn that the word “no” is a complete sentence – and an actual word!
This is the natural sign of volunteering and self-sacrifice, so they make the best counselors, teachers, and consultants; but they should avoid picking partners who
need HELP, and do all that counseling, teaching, and consulting ON THE CLOCK and FOR PAY – not in their private lives…
One of their other romantic strengths and challenges is that Pisces is ruled by Jupiter – the most wise and optimistic planet in the solar system. So, their Jupiterian nature LOVES to uplift and inspire others, and always believes in the best of people, only seeing their good qualities, and giving them too much benefit of the doubt. Let’s just say they could use a few more “street smarts” and a little less empathy.
Jesus’ advice to “turn the other cheek” and forgive endlessly is a VERY Piscean ideal … beautiful but potentially dangerous in one-on-one relationships.
Speaking of Jesus, Pisces LOVE having a spiritual life, able to easily meditate and take to other spiritual practices such as yoga and chanting.
They’re often found in places of spiritual retreat such as yoga classes, ashrams, and
monasteries.
(This is the sign of mystics…)
And they LOVE the arts – especially the emotional arts like music, drama, and poetry. They’re creative, alluring dreamers and need a partner who appreciates what they have to contribute.
Because of their deep, soulful emotional sensitivity, they have great spiritual gifts and
incredible intuition. Pay attention to their “take” on things, and their advice – their gut instincts are always right on, even though they aren’t skilled at following them themselves…
Their intensity of feelings can lead them to self-medicate and do things to NUMB OUT – such as over-eating, over-spending, or drinking and drugs…
Let’s just say boundaries, structure, and doing “grown up” things like paying the bills on time and keeping their affairs organized aren’t their strength.
“Going with the flow” and soaring to high creative, mystical heights are. They long to please, and don’t mind letting a lover lead – especially in the bedroom. (Wink, wink…)
If in love with a Pisces, be sure to be a patient listener – they NEED to share their
innermost thoughts and feelings and thrive on lots of attention…
They feel soothed by animals and nature, and especially enjoy being around water. When stressed, they need to withdraw from the world. The best way to comfort a Pisces is through something soft and loving – they long to be touched, massaged, bathed, and petted. They DO NOT respond well to “tough love” or constructive feedback, and take any criticism way too hard.
Though they’re MORE than willing to admit their faults – and take the blame for things that are not their responsibility. When upset, they’ll withdraw and pout, being a “silent screamer” over any other kind.
A Pisces will almost never speak in anger or be cruel unless something else is going on in their stars. In fact, it takes A LOT to make them angry – they’ll give and give and give and give and give and give, all the while saying, “I’m fine…”
But they do have a limit, and when they hit it – WATCH OUT. Silent screaming begins… And it’s deafening!
On dates they’ll love Hallmark Card moments – walks hand-in-hand by the ocean, the sharing of innermost feelings, reading by the fire, watching the sunset, and gazing deeply into their lover’s eyes. They’ll prefer quiet nights for two to exciting
social events with groups.
Though natural homebodies, they love to travel, especially to distant far-flung places or islands.
To win one over, do something heroic and generous like rescue a lost dog, or feed the
hungry … read up on the lives of saints and the teachings of the world’s religions. Memorize lines of Rumi and Shakespeare, and have lots of candles, bubble bath, and mood music on hand.
If you’re willing to be the more “in the world,” organized person of the two of you and
remain un-phased by their moods, this can be a lover and partner to be so grateful for.
There’s nothing they won’t do for the one they love. So life with a Pisces will be a dreamy, romantic adventure, full of snuggles, support, art, and passion.
You may not know that there are actually THREE signs within the sign of Pisces, each with even more distinct, specific personality “quirks” and emotional needs.
You see, the very first system of astrology, Vedic astrology of India, looks to twenty-seven smaller constellations called “nakshatras” that were later incorporated into the twelve Greek signs. It’s these twenty-seven signs that tell you what you REALLY need to know – who you are, what matters most to you, and who you best get along
with.
Knowing what constellation a man is born into is THE way to know what he really needs and wants when it comes to love – and if you’re compatible with him or not.
May God and his planets and stars shower you with love!
Carol Allen
Yep! That’s us alright!

THE AWKWARD PAUSE…

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It’s that point when you get to the fork in the road.  It’s the fork in the road where you decide that you’re going ahead with the person or you’re moving on alone.  It’s that moment when you look at that person and see the LIES shining suspiciously in their eyes.  It’s the realization that the lies are just too much to live with anymore…

 It’s the momentary need to walk from life and die a private death.  It’s the mocking laughter of death as he jeers at you, making certain that you know that this ain’t your time … that you have to get up in the morning and face the music.  It’s the music that starts off as a dirge, morphs into the annoying tribal beat of a heart beat that shifts into the angry drone of techno.

 It’s the anger – first with the lying piece of excrement and then with self, as you realize that you felt it all along and chose to believe their pitch-reel of lies, half-truths and innuendo.  It’s the story that remains lodged in your psyche and repeats … like so much bad curry on an inflamed stomach, causing the incessant presence of emotional heart burn.  It’s the bitterness of bile rising to the surface and flowing on to your yet rising anger, hurt, betrayal, need to kill, to maim, to injure, to make suffering as palpable as your own, and so you …

                                                       PAUSE! Mid Sentence … Mid Rant … Mid Feeling … Mid Crisis.

  JUST … PAUSE … THEN CHOOSE … TO FREE SELF … TO SAVE SELF … TO RELEASE … TO LIVE!

It’s the realization that a Truer, Happier Life is the BEST REVENGE – a revenge that can only be savoured when you …

 PAUSE!!!

SWEETNESS AND WORDS…

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Hi there

 

Thanks for stopping by

 

The attached tease and photos bear a link to my short story of the same name.

 

Please take the time to read and comment.  Thank you :::::::

 

SWEETNESS AND WORDS by Donna Mae Greaves

Miguel watched her walk across the campus as he did every morning. He sat at his usual booth in the coffee shop – coffee, pancakes and eggs in front of him, laptop open and paper folded back to the daily crossword – but none of this ritual would begin until he could see her no more….

WANTED & NEEDED: INTERVENTION

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Today is one of those days when the only thing that comes to mind is the overwhelming need to SCREAM…

It’s been a while since I’ve had one of these … but it feels the way it always does … heavy, annoying, attention-grabbing, yucky.

It’s one of those days when everyone that I speak to tells me that I need to let go of the past. It’s one of those times when people are surprisingly intuitive where I’m concerned and are really concerned that I get out of the funk.

That happens because people can’t properly deal with me in this mood. They expect ‘Happy Deemay’, ‘Bubbly Deemay’, ‘Always willing to help Deemay’. It’s off putting when the person who normally picks up the pieces needs to have her pieces picked up. OH MY GOODNESS!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO??! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THE HEALER NEEDS HEALING???!

Yes, she does. She needs to be held and comforted and talked to and soothed. She needs to hear that someone is there for her, and not just to offer her lip service and platitudes. She needs genuine concern and feeling. Basically … she needs love … agape … filial. She needs her troupes to gather themselves together and be available for her. She needs for them to know this intrinsically and not have to be told.

Where’s the Ben & Jerry’s What-A-Cluster or the bottle of Manischewitz Blackberry that would soothe her savaged soul and ravaged feathers? Where is the phone call that lets her know that someone out there … anywhere is in tune with what ails her, even though she’s still tryng to figure out precisely which one of her situations has brought on the feeling of fucked up blue funk that she is currently waddling through…

Dear Lord, make this crap go away! Whatever the ties that need to be cut, let them be cut. Whatever the fear that lingers then let it leave …. Just free me from this feeling of free-falling into the Land of Melancholia. I can’t live there … I WON’T live there … somebody please, PLEASE come get me…

My hands are reaching skyward, and I’m waiting…

Hurry.

THREE LITTLE WORDS…

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THREE LITTLE WORDS …

Yeah I know you were expecting “I love you”, but I have come across three words that pertain to me — and right now they hold more power.

You see … these words are very much alike yet they are extremely different –

DEER, DEAR, DARE…

Confused much? Don’t be …

DEER

I’ve been, I sadly confess, a deer caught in headlights – waiting to be rescued by someone who would tell me that I didn’t need to say anything … that they understood and heard what was in my heart. I’ve stood in those headlights, longing for the arrival of my supposed Knight in shining armour, who would step out from behind those bright as hell headlights and scoop me up into his strong and competent arms from the path of the oncoming ‘chariot’ and save me from all impending danger. Unfortunately it never happened … the knight didn’t arrive, at least not in time – and invariably I was left to languish under the bus, wallowing in unrequited love, hurt, disappointment, anger and sadness. The ones that I kept near and dear before didn’t hold me in such high esteem. They preferred what they preferred and usually it was someone who they declared to be toxic and unworthy of their love and my worry. The truth is that they declared this so many times that their speeches usually ended up being read by the Universe as declarations of love and passion.

Having seen the cold hard light of dawn, I would be the one to detach and free them to languish in their self imposed toxicity while I licked my wounds … silently – yet again – wondering why it is they couldn’t see what I couldn’t say … all because no one held me …

DEAR

Oh to be dear to someone … that’s really all I’ve wanted – to be held in high and precious regard … to be the one whom others are willing to tilt at windmills for, and to feel moved to do the same.

To be dear is to be precious … to be thought of as special, worth fighting for, even if it means fighting with self. Holding someone dear makes us dear ourselves. Just as our dear ones glow, so do we … as they smile, so do we … it’s a wonderfully symbiotic relationship. Being held dear allows us permission to …

DARE

Dare to be different … dare to step out of the headlights … dare to speak out and into your own life. We dare to say all of the things that we’ve been storing up inside while we stood in those infamous headlights. We dare to be true to self and to the ones we hold dear. Finally we get to the point where nothing short of a watershed moment would give life to all that we have wanted so desperately to speak into being … to give life to.

So basically …
I was a deer until someone held me dear and as a result I now dare to be all the things that others believed that I could be – even when I didn’t – and all the things that I knew were locked deep inside but didn’t dare be.

I am changing, journey with me … I am a work in progress, but what progress I have made … all because I have now taken the time to dare …

Today I dare to fall through my fears because unless I do, I will never know what waits for me, and I will never sprout the appropriate wings that I will need for this flight…

HIS EYES …

I looked into his eyes
And I got lost …
Happily lost in their depths
Lost in the restful pools
That allow him access to my soul
He can see into me with those eyes
And he doesn’t even have to try
I can see myself in his eyes too
I watch, fascinated, as I fall
Deeper and deeper into his eyes
Deeper and deeper into him

He holds my gaze
And keeps my attention
In such a way that
I forget who may have
Squatted here before
Happily lost am I in
The cool assurance of his stare
Warmed by the dark lava like
Center orbs that into me see
I feel the heat on my face
As we silently explore our new intimacy

He pulls me in with
Those tractor beams
I’m swimming … going
Further than I need to but
Who cares…
I want to be need to him
To be totally mesmerized
By the cool heat
Of his eyes…

16 DIFFERENT WAYS TO SUNDAY…

So here it is, I’m at the start again, and trying to make sense of this crazy lil thing hat shall remain nameless.

I know that people believe that they are being helpful. I know that they think that wisdom is the thing that I crave. What they don’t get is that the thing I need most is CONSISTENCY… and I need it in all things, particularly in things concerning MY HEART.

I’m constantly being told to turn myself around – as in reinvent myself. Everyone knows PRECISELY what’s right for me, and it’s all conflicting.

Be forthcoming … be mysterious; tell him what’s on your mind … don’t say anything; be shy … be bold…

WTF??! There’s only one of me; yet everyone is trying to break me into tiny little pieces. Am I really that naïve? Is it that the life I’ve led in the past forty-odd years has really left me so cloistered and unprepared for the world?

I don’t think that I’m seeking the impossible, and I don’t believe that I’m being unreasonable. I require very little to keep me happy … I want respect, trust, love, affection, honesty … consistency. I could demand these things, but I don’t. I TRUST that the man who wants to be with me will willingly give these things and give them abundantly.

It is still amazing for me to have to realize that as a WOMAN, I’m the one who has to bend myself 16 different ways to Sunday to please the male of the species. Question is, who is bending himself into knots and twists just to keep me happy? And is he going to do so willingly and be patient while I figure out what it is I really need?

Should you be strolling through town and you find one or more of these gems, would you kindly send him way? The fact is that I have found one of them … he just doesn’t know how wonderful he Is as yet … but he will! (Wink, wink)

BE FREE … FREE ENOUGH TO ACCEPT YOUR HAPPINESS.

It’s the strangest thing but I’ve just discovered – well not really JUST – but discovered nonetheless that we are sometimes so chained to the idea of being melancholy that we can actually fear our awaiting happiness.

There really isn’t anything new under the sun, and I know that someone else has already had the particular AHA! Moment, yet it is quite amazing to me that so many of us live in a perpetual state of waiting for the other shoe to fall.

A prime example is my relationship record. I don’t love easily, but when I do love I love hard. As a result I have sat idly by and watched myself get taken advantage of, all in the name of L-O-V-E. There have been a couple of instances when I have overextended myself and taken the stories given to me to heart in order for me to give and give and give of my best, while I received crumbs in return. Nevertheless I pressed forward, sure and assured that the love was there and it would grow.

As we say in local parlance – SALT! That is what I was presented with in the end … salt. Recently, I took myself out of a particular equation and finally admitted that I was constantly being sucker punched. Therefore the decision was finally and clearly made that I needed to save ME. The one who was constantly showered with my affection, effort, understanding, absolution … this same one who gave nothing but fragments in return, has been set free to sit in his proverbial pile of filth … toxic baby mama and all … thereby freeing me to explore the other options that were being presented to me.

This is where it gets interesting. Not only was I being shown another way to be with and around a grown man who behaves like one and was and is showing me the interest and affection that one should expect, here I was … waiting for the other shoe to drop. I find myself looking for and hoping to find phantoms that would give justification to the way that I felt. There had to be something wrong hidden somewhere and I was going to find it dammit!

The sad thing is that I spent so much time looking for what wasn’t there that I almost missed the boat completely. That’s when it dawned that I needed to free myself from all of the paraphernalia of the past and allow myself to be free enough to accept my happiness and everything that goes with it.

It sounds like an insurmountable task … it also sound like some sort of twisted chicken soup for the soul, but it isn’t. The key to this freedom is knowing that as a child of the Most High, happiness is a given. Worry is a learnt habit. We’re not born to worry, but we gain the knowledge from those around us. Worry is particularly fascinating for the female of the species, but I digress.

Give yourself permission to laugh and smile and enjoy things genuinely.

The good things are all pre-ordained. The nasty little surprises along the way are the things that we manifest via worry, doubt and distrust.

Bless UP!

WTF???!

Friendship is a funny thing. There are times when we need to stretch to accommodate the baggage that might sneak in, and there are times when we need to contract in order to keep our perspective and sanity.

I’m trying to figure out where I am in a particular friendship, and I just had a WTF moment.

As the adult on record in this get up, I’m wondering if the age difference is causing a significant shift when it comes to things like translation and understanding. Maybe it is that I’m expecting too much from the individual, but the difference is not so insurmountable that common sense cannot and will not kick in.

Why is it so easy for some of us to be obtuse and hurtful to the needs of many of us? Is it just me or is it that it feels like paranoia has become the norm for some of us? Why is it so easy for some of us to be mean spirited and bitter towards the achievements of the majority of us?

I know that I’m asking a myriad of questions, and I know that many of those questions are rhetorical. By the same token, there are really some of us who can cause amazement to hurt the brain.

Example.

I’ve been attempting to pursue a particular course for the past few months, and someone whom I now recognize as a bandwagonist announced that they would come aboard and we would stay the course together, and use our ‘existing’ buddy system to lessen the ‘pains’ as it were.

I believed them when they said that they were ready. I made myself available to them, and I did what I could to introduce her to the tenets that she would need to follow…

Why then … at the end of it all … are they attempting to make me feel that this is somehow my fault?

Hindsight is 20/20 vision and I’ve put a few pieces of the puzzle together.

This isn’t about me. It is about them and their baggage, and I refuse to be the trash guy. It’s about their decisions and their priorities and until they come to the point of acknowledging that there are changes to be made, then they will continue to wallow in their ‘ignunce’, and that’s just the way it is.

I will do what I need to do for me and that’s it. When they are ready to handle their shit, they will do what needs to be done for them – plain and simple.

We all need to be adult enough to do what we need to for ourselves, and by the same token we need to be adult enough to take the responsibility for the fucked up decisions that we sometimes make, thereby avoiding the stupid blame game that we seem to always want to play …

And that’s my take!