STASIS

 

 

 

Image

 

 

That place where souls sit and wait

For the last few miles to fade before

Their dreams come true

 

That corner of the desert where mirages appear

Taking your focus away from the goal at hand

Mirages that offer sinfully, delightful promises

Promises that you know are impossible to keep

But promises that reach your soul none the less

 

The people who suck the energy out of your dreams

And the bed where you lay the now empty shells

In the hopeless hope that they would spring to life

Again

 

That place in the mind where you have put yourself

Through your constant inaction

From your ever present lethargy

Caused by your doubt

Fed by your indifference

Borne of your fear

Fear of all that is

 

Imperative…

 

The need for change which happens through

Movement

Caused by faith

Pushed by knowledge

That the only constant is

The same change

And change of all —

Mind-set, atmosphere, surroundings, ALL THINGS

All of the things that have

Kept you were you are

 

Swimming in the stagnant ooze

Of a swamp called

Stasis

Truly Loving Me…

For centuries we had been taught that the proclamation of love of self was egotistical and taboo. Today however, we find ourselves in a place where we are told that it’s okay to be a little selfish for self, and to shout it from mountain tops.

My take on it? Everything in moderation.

That being said, I really do believe that we cannot love ourselves enough.

One of the things that I have encountered with fellow full figured women is that we put off loving ourselves until we get to ‘that point’ or ‘that size’. The message that needs to be heard is that we must love ourselves in our current skins … love yourself for the beautiful, vital, intelligent, sensual and sexy woman that you are. There is really no need to wait to love you! It’s YOU after all. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us? The only entity that loves us unconditionally is God, and we are supposed to be perfect in His eyes, and we really are not – not by a long shot. So if He loves us the way we are, why then can’t we just follow His lead?

Love yourself enough to get over the hurdles that you face, particularly those that have to do with self image. Every imperfection is precious; every pound worth loving enough to be released (I know that sounds funny but bear with me).

I always recall the words of a particular boyfriend who, bless his heart, was trying to make me feel better about being a big girl, when I was particularly down. He said “You’re not fat … there’s just more of you to love.” At the time I giggled through my tears and kissed him my thanks. I have been grateful through the years for those words.

How many of us really look at ourselves in the mirror? Most of us are experts at looking only at what is and when necessary. We skip over the arms, and bellies, and thighs … it’s too painful to watch for many of us. What we NEED to do is take a good, long look at the goddesses that we are and look at the thighs and bellies and full boobs and appreciate our sized sexiness, because we ARE sexy!

Then and only then can we see where the changes that we sometimes crave can be made. And please, don’t aspire to be skinny; aspire to be HEALTHY.

I am 55lbs away from my goal weight and I know that with hard work, God’s grace and – Lord help me (:D) – Lee, I will get there! And it’s all about being healthy, because I know I will never be skinny … nor do I want to be.

I love my boobs and hips and butt; I just know that the extra weight isn’t ideal for me, however ‘comfortable’ it may seem to be. So basically, I love me enough to get up and get moving on my journey…

Thanks my take,
The Changeling.

BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH

I am a Literature buff from a ways back. I’ve always loved the written word, and have since developed quite the love for the spoken word as well. Words are soothing to me…

One of the books that I studied at examination level in ‘High School’ was Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, and one of the lines that has been stuck in my head since then is “Beware the Ides of March!”

I remember having been particularly offended the first time I heard that line because of my understandable affinity for the month of March. It is after all the month of my birth … and while my birthday is nowhere near the 15th, I happen to be offended by any reference to ill-will that may occur in the beautiful month of March.

Ah, the innocence of youth. How I long for the days when bad news, disappointment and – well – disgust came as such a shock to your system that it could actually shut you down. Now the jadedness of perceived ‘seniority’ may make you ill at such occurrences but they generally roll off of one’s back like so much water.

I must confess that my own encounter with the Ides of March could not have been prepared for … but then again it could have been. I suppose that I am just overly sensitive right now … who knows. Prepared or not, it’s always a devastation when the people that one has held closest to one’s chest turns out to be the ones that literally stab us in the back.

There aren’t many people that have had the privilege to be let into my inner sanctum, but it looks like I’m going to have to pull a couple ‘membership cards’ from some of the people in there. What good is it when one attempts to build up resources and those same resources have no problem spitting you out on Idus Martiae (Latin, Ides of March). Others have said to me that I need to ‘let it go’, that that is the way that they would handle it. I do so solemnly wish that I could just dust off and press on. It is a little difficult when the individual involved has cut so close to the bone. My mother has this saying that she uses from time to time that says that it is always worse when you’re bitten by your own flea. Well that is precisely the way that I feel right now. Oh I know that I have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it, and believe me I will. Right now on the other hand, I need to take this time to reconstruct my ‘fortress’, as there seems to be some bricks that may need to be chipped away.

And like Caesar, I was warned … I had my own seer, but like Caesar, I ignored the warning. Now, again like Caesar, I am forced to turn and look at that brick and ask “Et tu Brute?!”

I find it all so unfortunate, ironic and just garden-variety wretched that in this world, it could be so hard to find like minded spirits to share ones inner self with …

What happened to honor … what happened to actual friendship, and support? Is it that most people have now come to the point of being friends through convenience, and as soon as they have achieved their own Zen and Xanadu, they then disavow the others who have to this point been there for them? Should that be the case then yet again I am forced to hold tight to what little faith I have left in our Humanity.

The good news is that I am approaching the end of my own tunnel, but theirs is still waiting in the wings … and in true Pisces form I will probably be there yelling that they beware there own Ides of March.

That’s the way that I’m made up … it is a part of me that I love – my ability to love others no matter what … and it is another object lesson to me along the way, and I have learnt from it to I am thankful, and I will be more thankful as soon as I reach around and pull the dagger out that had been so firmly SLAMMED into my spine!!!

“Joy Cometh in the Morning”, and I will be the better for it.

Journey With Me Through Time … and Understand.

This is actually an older blog from another site, but it’s still relevant cuz we’re all battling something. Enjoy!!!

I was having a conversation this evening with one of my girls and I was telling her that looking at photographs of myself from a time when I was heavier hurt my heart.

She dropped some knowledge on me that made so much sense that I’m sitting here doing this blog.

This blog is dedicated to my Journey to a Healthier Happier Me… I have decided to bite the bullet and face my past. It’s not really a ‘before’ and ‘after’ because I have a ways yet to go, but we can call it a “Before and Here Is Where I’m At” look at the woman that is Donna Mae G.

Now don’t get twisted, I will always be a sized sexy woman and I’m proud as hell to wear that label, but I’ll be a healthier sexier biatch (just never a skinny biatch)…

I’m posting this as well as a means to encourage anyone who has a mountain to climb and feels that they can’t do it. You can, trust me. I had lost weight and was yoyo-ing for a few years between 2003 and 2005, but my conscious effort began in late 2005 into 2006, and it took me close to 2 years to lose 100 pounds, and I had gotten to the point where I was sagging, so I took my ass off to the gym as you know this year, and I’ve told you what’s been going on with that. So in 2 years and about 4 months I’ve lost around 125 pounds, and I’m still going…

To those of you who have held my hand, cried with me, encouraged me and yelled at my ass when I needed it – thank you and much love. Y’all know that it’s always and will always be appreciated and welcomed.

So …

Here’s my journey in pictures…

– Class Reunion in 2003 (at my biggest)

– At Real Estate office in 2004

– A neighbour’s party in 2005

– Going to my girl Noella’s wedding, 2005

– Spoken word performance in June 2006

– Partying at Club 51 in July 2006

– Neighbour’s wedding in October 2006

– Thanksgiving dinner at my house in December 2006

– Ex-AMPLES & Friends Brunch in March 2007

– Concert at Christ Church in December 2007

– My girl Joann’s wedding in December 2007

– Performance at Satchmo’s Jazz Club in May 2008

– Headshot, June 2008

– Office Shot, July 2009

– Performance at Movietowne’s Fiesta Plaza, November 2009 (Where I am now…)

Make your mountain your personal journey and climb the hell out of it – the view is SWEET from the other side!

Holla at ya girl!