LAMENTATIONS…

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I think it would have

Been hard to say ‘goodbye’

But it aches to

Not be granted the chance

Closure is imperative

I needed it … a lot

 

I needed to look

In those eyes again

And watch them

Shine with laughter

I longed to walk

Into those arms, one more time

Just to feel the warmth

Go away from me

The warmth I’ve come

To wait for and

Will now crave

 

I needed to look into

Your face and memorize each etched feature

As I physically said the words

“Good bye and good luck”

 

And I needed to

Watch and feel

Your hand slip from

Mine as you

Physically walked away

From me

 

If wishes were probable

What a happy woman I could really be

But alas, I must show respect

And release you back to your norm

 

And so I must now

Console myself

With memories of

Deep links, naughty, stolen winks

Unspoken words

And glances that spoke volumes

 

I will now lock up my

Treasure chest

And do what’s best

For everyone

While I plan for the

Next time I raise the lid

And dust off what’s been hid

Then I will hold my tears

In as I play among my memories

And silently thank you

For showing me

What I truly deserve

And remember that I

Must not and cannot

Accept anything less

For you showed me the best

 

Fare well … go safely

Into the midnight blue

Remember I’m thinking of you

And sending you a little bit of my heart

As we now mentally part

I’ll sit in my corner and dry my tears

Pull myself together and get in gear

For the next phase

God help me

But dear God, make the

Next one who attempts to

Take my heart

So very, VERY much like…

HIM…

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TOUCHING ME … FEELING YOU…

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I’m touching me with you in mind

I’ feeling you all over me

All around me, all in me

My body craves the REAL you

But gladly acts as your sensual surrogate

 

I’m feeling you while touching me

I hear your voice in my head

And I feel all the words

In my every breath, my every pore

I feel, I want, I need, I crave …

Every feeling begins and ends with “YOU”

Every single breath is punctuated

By wicked, juicy thoughts of you

 

My hands crave and need to feel you

My body goes on point at the sound of your name

You say things to me about me

That takes my breath away

I love that my voice brings

Your body to willing attention

 

We touch us, and feel each other

The mutuality is all we need

Till we can feel and reach and touch

And explore and satisfy what needs to be satisfied

Then die to live and die again

Please touch me

But this time …

Touch more than my soul.

SWEETNESS AND WORDS…

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Hi there

 

Thanks for stopping by

 

The attached tease and photos bear a link to my short story of the same name.

 

Please take the time to read and comment.  Thank you :::::::

 

SWEETNESS AND WORDS by Donna Mae Greaves

Miguel watched her walk across the campus as he did every morning. He sat at his usual booth in the coffee shop – coffee, pancakes and eggs in front of him, laptop open and paper folded back to the daily crossword – but none of this ritual would begin until he could see her no more….

THE HEALTHY BBW…

 

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In the minds of the uninitiated, that phrase makes no sense.  It could also be taken and knocked around as a joke, because of course, us big girls have simply eaten ourselves to out sized sexiness.

 

SO WRONG!!!

 

The things that people don’t  take the time to look at are things like genetics, disease – and as a result, medication, mind-set, stress levels, earning power.

 

Genetics points us to family and our predisposition to gaining and keeping weight on.  There was a time when the statement “I come from a big-boned family” would cause raucous laughter in any room.  The fact is that although people refer to the bones, it is a fact that families share everything, including the genes that make our bodies the way that they are.  It ain’t about the bones, but it is about the body.  If your father is tall and solid and your mother is short nd solid, you my darling, will break even in the middle and be solidly medium heighted.  And when I say solid I mean that a waif you will never be. 

 

There are diseases  and medications that bring on the ponds as well.  If you’re asthmatic, you’re going to gain weight more than likely because the meds are usually locked down with steroids.  If you’re diabetic you can either gain or lose poundage.

 

Someone’s mind-set is also a heavy contributor to the poundage, particularly if it is that they are stressed, personally or professionally.  This point is linked though to eating, because stress does make some of us eat, as does depression, anger and anxiety.

 

Our power to earn a decent wage puts us at risk for extra poundage as well.  The more we earn is the better that we can eat.  The lower our wages, the more difficult it is for us to buy the best, hence we fall victim to the mass produced, the fat saturated, the wonder and max sized meals .. basically the things that are moments on the lips and forever on our hips.

 

So we know what ails us.  Do we even take the time to check on what heals and helps us?  They ae in our hands, and at the end of our legs.  Our hands and feet.  Our hands are the instruments that put the food into our mouths and our feet are the things that get us moving.

 

We need to nourish our bodies … not just feed ourselves.  We need to get moving and not just move ourselves.  I’m not saying that we need to run a marathon every other weekend, but we need to get up off our tushes and shake them down the lane or around a park or savannah.  There are times when we don’t realize that we can be and have been our own worse enemies.  We complain about the aches and the pains when we move, but the irony is that the more we move, the less the pains become.

 

The other thing is that when we eat … really eat … we lose the pounds.  Our metabolisms are unable to become lazy when we eat the way we should..  we have become so used to the seesaw that is the diet life that we starve ourselves, not realizing that our bodies become so worried about us that they ‘lovingly’ store the fat in our bodies, just in case we decide not to eat again.  Again, our own faults.

 

You may be wondering why this rant on myself and my BBW sistahs.  It’s simple really.  A photograph was placed on our group wall the other day of a woman … a beautiful woman … with hips that measure more than 8 feet in circumference, and this is something of which she is proud.  If you look at this woman you can see that from her face to her shoulders to her bustline and waist, she is your average full figured woman.  Then there are the hips.  And then her legs go back to average.

 

There is no way on God’s green earth that you can tell me she’s healthy.  She spoke of the thousands photographs that have been taken of her, and the way that people stare at her when she walks down the road with her husband and family.  She speaks of exercising, but her children have to pull her out of her seat at home, and when she does ‘exercise’ she only moves her arms.  That has NOTHING to do with her girth.

 

It frightened me to look at this woman, and in my fear, I thought of all of us full figured women, many of us who believe that being comfortable with your body means sitting on our asses an doing nothing.  As someone who has battled back from 396 lbs about eight years ago to 228 now (And I ain’t done yet!!), I think I have the right to yell at any and all of us when we sit and stew in complacence.  THAT IS NOT AN OPTION.  Nobody says that you have to wafer thin in order to be sexy … particularly since REAL men know that there ain’t nothin wrong with meat on a REAL woman, and guys, you need to get up off your asses and motivate your woman.  What  am saying is that we need to be the best of ourselves  Love your curves, believe in your curves …  Get to steppin and do the work!

 

Okay … I’ve said a mouthful.

 

Please … I beg of you … let’s get started.  It’s for your own good!

HIS EYES …

I looked into his eyes
And I got lost …
Happily lost in their depths
Lost in the restful pools
That allow him access to my soul
He can see into me with those eyes
And he doesn’t even have to try
I can see myself in his eyes too
I watch, fascinated, as I fall
Deeper and deeper into his eyes
Deeper and deeper into him

He holds my gaze
And keeps my attention
In such a way that
I forget who may have
Squatted here before
Happily lost am I in
The cool assurance of his stare
Warmed by the dark lava like
Center orbs that into me see
I feel the heat on my face
As we silently explore our new intimacy

He pulls me in with
Those tractor beams
I’m swimming … going
Further than I need to but
Who cares…
I want to be need to him
To be totally mesmerized
By the cool heat
Of his eyes…

BE FREE … FREE ENOUGH TO ACCEPT YOUR HAPPINESS.

It’s the strangest thing but I’ve just discovered – well not really JUST – but discovered nonetheless that we are sometimes so chained to the idea of being melancholy that we can actually fear our awaiting happiness.

There really isn’t anything new under the sun, and I know that someone else has already had the particular AHA! Moment, yet it is quite amazing to me that so many of us live in a perpetual state of waiting for the other shoe to fall.

A prime example is my relationship record. I don’t love easily, but when I do love I love hard. As a result I have sat idly by and watched myself get taken advantage of, all in the name of L-O-V-E. There have been a couple of instances when I have overextended myself and taken the stories given to me to heart in order for me to give and give and give of my best, while I received crumbs in return. Nevertheless I pressed forward, sure and assured that the love was there and it would grow.

As we say in local parlance – SALT! That is what I was presented with in the end … salt. Recently, I took myself out of a particular equation and finally admitted that I was constantly being sucker punched. Therefore the decision was finally and clearly made that I needed to save ME. The one who was constantly showered with my affection, effort, understanding, absolution … this same one who gave nothing but fragments in return, has been set free to sit in his proverbial pile of filth … toxic baby mama and all … thereby freeing me to explore the other options that were being presented to me.

This is where it gets interesting. Not only was I being shown another way to be with and around a grown man who behaves like one and was and is showing me the interest and affection that one should expect, here I was … waiting for the other shoe to drop. I find myself looking for and hoping to find phantoms that would give justification to the way that I felt. There had to be something wrong hidden somewhere and I was going to find it dammit!

The sad thing is that I spent so much time looking for what wasn’t there that I almost missed the boat completely. That’s when it dawned that I needed to free myself from all of the paraphernalia of the past and allow myself to be free enough to accept my happiness and everything that goes with it.

It sounds like an insurmountable task … it also sound like some sort of twisted chicken soup for the soul, but it isn’t. The key to this freedom is knowing that as a child of the Most High, happiness is a given. Worry is a learnt habit. We’re not born to worry, but we gain the knowledge from those around us. Worry is particularly fascinating for the female of the species, but I digress.

Give yourself permission to laugh and smile and enjoy things genuinely.

The good things are all pre-ordained. The nasty little surprises along the way are the things that we manifest via worry, doubt and distrust.

Bless UP!

My Heart, My Valentine …

You are my Heart, my Valentine
These are the words that I long
To say to you –
Not just in my heart, but out loud
Where the world can hear …
Your heart is timid, so afraid of being hurt –
Yet again
By one of my sex …
Just as I have a hard time
Believing the words that
Erupt from the mouths
Of members of yours …
Yet I am willing to leap
With you
Be my Valentine, my Heart
Let me be all that I can be
For and with you
Open wide the door that keeps your heart
Away from me
Let me into the corridors of your being
In the same way that you
Are able to wander mine …
I love you — it’s that simple …
And yet so complicated
Take the chance and walk with me
Away from the mamas and the dramas
I know it feels like I’m asking for the world
Right now
But I’m not …
I’m asking you
To leap into your own happiness …
I know the time will come
When you will walk
Freely into my arms
And I will always welcome you
Until then …
Know that I love you
My precious Valentine
And I’m glad that
You are indeed Mine!

Once …

Once I wandered
In the Desert of
My own Lonely Heart …
Once I sat on the
Edge of the Lake
Of Sorrow and Tears
Convinced that there
Was nothing written
In the Book of
Happiness for me …

I made my peace
Longed no more for a piece
Of the Joy that I
Recognized in others

Then you appeared
On my horizon
With a Smile that
Inspired Laughter
And Laughter that
Brought the Dormant
To Life
You saw through me –
You saw ME.
You Heard me
And yet you Listened
You Dared me to
Take a Chance –
Just once …

I Wondered
I Meditated
I Procrastinated
And you Knew …
You Watched me
As I put my tow
Into the water – daring
To make a move –
Just once …

You made me Look
At myself through your eyes
And amazed I was
To see myself as
Beautiful and vibrant …
Sexy and sexual
A woman alive –
For once …

You are the Sun
In my Shine
You gave me what I needed
To peel away the shell
That ones protected my Heart, my Me
My Being

You’ve shared yourself with me
And let me do the same with you

I love you
Not for any particular reason
But for all the silly reasons
That make me love you more
I’ve named you and I claim you
You’ve been my past
You are my present …
The one that I’ll open
In the future …

Fairy Tale Endings & Other Seemingly Unattainable Goals

“And they lived happily ever after”. That’s usually at the end of the story I know, but I’m different. Actually, that’s really what I want to address …

I know I’ve walked down this road before, but it looks like there are some things that bear repeating.

Why is it that so many of my sisters are hung up on the fairy tale aspects of a wedding and have not given any real and substantial thought to the marriage that commenced the minute that they said ‘I do’?

That was my question two years ago and it’s still the question now. The thing that I have learnt through observation is that many of the couples that are making that step into matrimony are not really doing so with an eye towards lifetime commitment, but as something they ‘commit’ to until such a time when they invoke the escape clause.

The irony is that they put so much thought into the preparation and execution of the ‘perfect’ wedding. They oversee every last detail – from the colour scheme to the food, the dresses, the notions – EVERYTHING! All must be made perfect for one day. As it happens, when the balloons come down and the chair tie backs are returned, it seems to all be a mystery.

And they lived happily after. Those words have been both blessing and curse since the first time that they were uttered. I’m not saying that we don’t all yearn for that wonderful storybook ending, but what we seem to have forgotten is that none of us can say from the onset that ‘happily ever after’ is carded for us.

As long as we are breathing, viable entities, there will be times of distress, illness, sadness … there will be times of anger and fed-up-ness. What is integral is that as someone in a MARRIAGE, one has to remember that all of these feelings and moments are now shared with someone else.

There are definitely going to be times when you’re going to look at each other and wonder why in the hell you decided to spend the rest of your life with this person. Still, that is not a reason to walk away.

Is it that many of the people today have lost sight of the reasons why they got together in the first place? How is it that the same actions or words that a would-be wife/husband found endearing in their soon to be partner can after a couple of years, and in some cases, after a couple of months, bring their blood to a rapid boil when simmered in the pot of annoyance and disgust?

The other thing that I end up wondering is whether some of the people who seem to have no staying power had actually SETTLED in the first place. Is it that they wanted a wedding so much that they hitched their wagon to a star that wasn’t really supposed to be theirs?

Honestly – whatever the means or reasons for these connections, they are SUPPOSED to LAST. The words that some people recite when they make their vows to each other are actually supposed to be PRAYED. It’s a prayer people, not just some random words strung together to entertain your guests. People see vows as something that you get through … words you parrot after the officiant … words said before they get to the ring and the kiss. Not so …

A vow is a promise; and this particular vow is one made before God and men. It’s a sacred vow … but at times it has been obvious to me that the parties involved have no idea what they are saying … nor do they take the time to understand the significance of the words being prayed. You are effectively promising God, in the presence of witnesses, that you are going to love, cherish and respect each other for the rest of your lives – no matter what. That is a difficult prospect, but had you taken the time to grow to know and REALLY love the person that you are standing with before God, then you will make it.

Where is all of this coming from? I have no idea. Maybe it’s born out of the observation that people are more willing to walk away form their partners and marriages easily because they have forgotten what had gotten them to marriage in the first place.

I’m not married. I still hope to be one day and soon, but I have sung at enough weddings to know what I speak of. I take the time to mention this because there are people I’m sure who would love to tell me a thing or two about what I have written. Lemme just say that I am not bashing anyone. I’m just trying to remind the Married of their vows, the Engaged of the marriage that comes after the wedding and the Single to take the time to make wise and informed choices.

And they lived happily after. The other aspect of this is that some of us have conveniently chosen to forget that there was stress, intrigue and drama in every fairy tale that had a happy ending. The prince didn’t just get the princess. There was work to be done … witches to vanquish and dragons to be slain.

The lesson therefore is that the work must be done and the mountains must be breached before the happily ever after can be attained…

Go find your beautiful princess and your prince charming by all means, but take the time to pull a page or two out their stories so that in the end, others can look at the two of you and confidently proclaim …

“And they lived happily ever after … The Beginning!”