Naked…

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The state of my heart

The state of my mind

The state of my soul

The state of my body

 

I am here, naked before you

You, my world … the world

Vulnerable for all the world to see

Open to your mockery

To your pointed fingers

To your jeering laughter

As I try in vain to hide my true self

Covering my heart and my head

 

This is the state that you

YOU have left me in

This is where you walked away

As soon as you have seen

What you wanted to

What I had hesitated to show

 

I find, however, that I am not alone

And He has come in and covered me

He has moved my hands away

And spread His love all over me

And I am adorned in rainbows

And clouds, and joy and peace

And love, and light and smiles

 

I am no longer naked

You can leave now … the show is over

Your apologies are hollow

Just like the lies that they are built up on

Go away … you who have used and abused

The inner me, the inner sanctum that

You have vandalized in the name of

“CARE”

Your words were sweet, at first

Now they burn … they burn my ears

I see them and I cringe

I need for you to leave

 

I am clothed, I am free

I am no longer violated

You are no longer welcome

You will never, ever again

See me Naked.

WANTED & NEEDED: INTERVENTION

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Today is one of those days when the only thing that comes to mind is the overwhelming need to SCREAM…

It’s been a while since I’ve had one of these … but it feels the way it always does … heavy, annoying, attention-grabbing, yucky.

It’s one of those days when everyone that I speak to tells me that I need to let go of the past. It’s one of those times when people are surprisingly intuitive where I’m concerned and are really concerned that I get out of the funk.

That happens because people can’t properly deal with me in this mood. They expect ‘Happy Deemay’, ‘Bubbly Deemay’, ‘Always willing to help Deemay’. It’s off putting when the person who normally picks up the pieces needs to have her pieces picked up. OH MY GOODNESS!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO??! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THE HEALER NEEDS HEALING???!

Yes, she does. She needs to be held and comforted and talked to and soothed. She needs to hear that someone is there for her, and not just to offer her lip service and platitudes. She needs genuine concern and feeling. Basically … she needs love … agape … filial. She needs her troupes to gather themselves together and be available for her. She needs for them to know this intrinsically and not have to be told.

Where’s the Ben & Jerry’s What-A-Cluster or the bottle of Manischewitz Blackberry that would soothe her savaged soul and ravaged feathers? Where is the phone call that lets her know that someone out there … anywhere is in tune with what ails her, even though she’s still tryng to figure out precisely which one of her situations has brought on the feeling of fucked up blue funk that she is currently waddling through…

Dear Lord, make this crap go away! Whatever the ties that need to be cut, let them be cut. Whatever the fear that lingers then let it leave …. Just free me from this feeling of free-falling into the Land of Melancholia. I can’t live there … I WON’T live there … somebody please, PLEASE come get me…

My hands are reaching skyward, and I’m waiting…

Hurry.