My latest short story..
Follow the link, and please enjoy…
My latest short story..
Follow the link, and please enjoy…
The state of my heart
The state of my mind
The state of my soul
The state of my body
I am here, naked before you
You, my world … the world
Vulnerable for all the world to see
Open to your mockery
To your pointed fingers
To your jeering laughter
As I try in vain to hide my true self
Covering my heart and my head
This is the state that you
YOU have left me in
This is where you walked away
As soon as you have seen
What you wanted to
What I had hesitated to show
I find, however, that I am not alone
And He has come in and covered me
He has moved my hands away
And spread His love all over me
And I am adorned in rainbows
And clouds, and joy and peace
And love, and light and smiles
I am no longer naked
You can leave now … the show is over
Your apologies are hollow
Just like the lies that they are built up on
Go away … you who have used and abused
The inner me, the inner sanctum that
You have vandalized in the name of
Your words were sweet, at first
Now they burn … they burn my ears
I see them and I cringe
I need for you to leave
I am clothed, I am free
I am no longer violated
You are no longer welcome
You will never, ever again
See me Naked.
That place where souls sit and wait
For the last few miles to fade before
Their dreams come true
That corner of the desert where mirages appear
Taking your focus away from the goal at hand
Mirages that offer sinfully, delightful promises
Promises that you know are impossible to keep
But promises that reach your soul none the less
The people who suck the energy out of your dreams
And the bed where you lay the now empty shells
In the hopeless hope that they would spring to life
That place in the mind where you have put yourself
Through your constant inaction
From your ever present lethargy
Caused by your doubt
Fed by your indifference
Borne of your fear
Fear of all that is
The need for change which happens through
Caused by faith
Pushed by knowledge
That the only constant is
The same change
And change of all —
Mind-set, atmosphere, surroundings, ALL THINGS
All of the things that have
Kept you were you are
Swimming in the stagnant ooze
Of a swamp called
So if I am to understand tonight’s news reports properly, the goodly PM and cohort would now wish for the 5th Estate to pass all stories written for publication to the “Principal” for prior approval and editing??!
I know that I’m not word for word at this point, but this is the ACTUAL meaning of the PP’s statement of dissatisfaction with the media’s reporting.
I find the situation laughable, since so many reports are already being shuffled in the newspapers like the proverbial deck of cards in order to allow the government to come up smelling like roses.
The thing with decks, particularly Tarot decks, is that eventually, the Joker will indeed turn up. The Joker, or the Fool in Tarot decks, is the first card in the deck and the first Major Arcana or High card. It represents Individuality, New Expression and New Beginnings requiring Wisdom and courage. It is a symbol of Carefree Thought and Living, Impulsiveness and Enthusiasm. Think the Honeymoon period of the current government. This card, reverted, however, is indicative of Childishness, Recklessness, and a Lack of Motivation and Common Sense.
BOOM!!! And we’re back…
I wonder if the goodly powers that be are able to recall the fact that the supposed GIANTS of “Journalistic Fortitude” jumped ship to supposed greener pastures upon the election of the PP and went to work in the ‘Halls of Power’.
Did it occur to the official mouthpieces that their propaganda machine is broken??
Their Magicians or Cobblers – another Tarot reference – who represent Creativity, Imagination, Willpower, Confidence, Communication and Skill are no longer standing ‘right side up’ because the nation is no longer willing to believe. They are inverted and showing layers upon layers of Indecision, a Weak Will and the blatant misuse of skills and powers. This is nothing but an excellent reflection of what is taking place inside the annals of government.
Thanks to the actions of the Justice card, the citizenry have become aware of the Imbalance, the Insincerity, the lack of Harmony, Equilibrium and Indecision.
The one thing that I know about Trinidad is that it is a small town divided between two islands, and everybody knows, is acquainted with or related to someone who works somewhere that information – significant or otherwise – is disseminated, and as a wonderfully comical result, every spun story that is released, is in one way or another, reversed, releasing the truth. There’s basically nowhere to hide. You can do what you want, the truth will out.
It would be fun, and at the same time frustrating, to take the time to list all of the flaws and wrongs that are screaming at the populous on a daily basis, but I don’t have the space, time or inclination to do so. I will mention the need to cook the murder and other major crime figures and shift them to page 8 or some other forgotten page in the press; the misuse of governmental facilities and equipment by ministers – prime and otherwise; the fact that no one seems to be worried about the fact that our National Security Minister CANNOT TRAVEL BEYOND OUR BORDERS; the inappropriate behaviour of members of Government who sit in the upper echelons of Power.
That being said, could this band of ill-equipped and power hungry ‘heads’ really believe that cutting the occasional ribbon is going to in some way trump stories that they create just by being themselves?
These are the same people who harshly dealt with their predecessors in the very said media, and the media more than willingly acquiesced at the time.
Did they think that by rewarding the ELDERS by presenting them with juicy salaried positions and perks, thereby rendering them toothless pit bulls that the juniors would resist the need to rise up and do their jobs?
Why does a small country like ours require a STATE OPERATED MEDIA HOUSE, when we had a Department of Information that functioned and functioned rather well?
Why do certain stories go to certain media houses while others are left in the dust to cypher what is taking place nationally?
Please be advised that MATT stands for Media Association of Trinidad and Tobago, and not Floor MAT, so desist from attempting to walk on them. They know their job and they do it well.
So, you don’t like your image in the media … so what? That’s YOUR responsibility, not theirs. They put out what you give off. Therefore, change YOUR IMAGE. Live your posts and cease from being fodder of legendary comedic proportions.
Take heed of what happens when you attempt to strong arm a nation and laud if over the people (thankfully and proudly not me!) who put you where you are.
Twelve to None much??
The people of Tobago rode the Chariot AWAY from you. How dare you attempt to tell them what they need, where they can and cannot go and then take Trinidadians to Tobago to campaign on THEIR behalf???!
Our fortunes are constantly being spun on a reverted Wheel of Fortune, leading us down a path of failed enterprise that gambles daily with our lives and livelihoods. We are in stasis, financially and otherwise .
The only thing that I wish for at this time is that the rest of us LEARN from ‘Bago, instead of settling for the life of the inverted hanged man who swings in futile sacrifice and selfishness, fiddling idly while Rome (well, Port of Spain) burns … while governmental buildings and campuses sit in idle incompletion as these ‘champions of the people’ SPITE the former government, as if they can’t get it through their Neanderthal-like skulls that they are simply spiting a nation by allowing their ‘friends’ to earn rent from government offices.
It is time for us to start acting our ages and not our collective shoe sizes. Hopefully and prayerfully, we will do that soon.
Take the time to have a read of my latest story post on PUT A WEDGE IN IT BLOGS :::
I’m touching me with you in mind
I’ feeling you all over me
All around me, all in me
My body craves the REAL you
But gladly acts as your sensual surrogate
I’m feeling you while touching me
I hear your voice in my head
And I feel all the words
In my every breath, my every pore
I feel, I want, I need, I crave …
Every feeling begins and ends with “YOU”
Every single breath is punctuated
By wicked, juicy thoughts of you
My hands crave and need to feel you
My body goes on point at the sound of your name
You say things to me about me
That takes my breath away
I love that my voice brings
Your body to willing attention
We touch us, and feel each other
The mutuality is all we need
Till we can feel and reach and touch
And explore and satisfy what needs to be satisfied
Then die to live and die again
Please touch me
But this time …
Touch more than my soul.
Thanks for stopping by
The attached tease and photos bear a link to my short story of the same name.
Please take the time to read and comment. Thank you :::::::
Miguel watched her walk across the campus as he did every morning. He sat at his usual booth in the coffee shop – coffee, pancakes and eggs in front of him, laptop open and paper folded back to the daily crossword – but none of this ritual would begin until he could see her no more….
In the minds of the uninitiated, that phrase makes no sense. It could also be taken and knocked around as a joke, because of course, us big girls have simply eaten ourselves to out sized sexiness.
The things that people don’t take the time to look at are things like genetics, disease – and as a result, medication, mind-set, stress levels, earning power.
Genetics points us to family and our predisposition to gaining and keeping weight on. There was a time when the statement “I come from a big-boned family” would cause raucous laughter in any room. The fact is that although people refer to the bones, it is a fact that families share everything, including the genes that make our bodies the way that they are. It ain’t about the bones, but it is about the body. If your father is tall and solid and your mother is short nd solid, you my darling, will break even in the middle and be solidly medium heighted. And when I say solid I mean that a waif you will never be.
There are diseases and medications that bring on the ponds as well. If you’re asthmatic, you’re going to gain weight more than likely because the meds are usually locked down with steroids. If you’re diabetic you can either gain or lose poundage.
Someone’s mind-set is also a heavy contributor to the poundage, particularly if it is that they are stressed, personally or professionally. This point is linked though to eating, because stress does make some of us eat, as does depression, anger and anxiety.
Our power to earn a decent wage puts us at risk for extra poundage as well. The more we earn is the better that we can eat. The lower our wages, the more difficult it is for us to buy the best, hence we fall victim to the mass produced, the fat saturated, the wonder and max sized meals .. basically the things that are moments on the lips and forever on our hips.
So we know what ails us. Do we even take the time to check on what heals and helps us? They ae in our hands, and at the end of our legs. Our hands and feet. Our hands are the instruments that put the food into our mouths and our feet are the things that get us moving.
We need to nourish our bodies … not just feed ourselves. We need to get moving and not just move ourselves. I’m not saying that we need to run a marathon every other weekend, but we need to get up off our tushes and shake them down the lane or around a park or savannah. There are times when we don’t realize that we can be and have been our own worse enemies. We complain about the aches and the pains when we move, but the irony is that the more we move, the less the pains become.
The other thing is that when we eat … really eat … we lose the pounds. Our metabolisms are unable to become lazy when we eat the way we should.. we have become so used to the seesaw that is the diet life that we starve ourselves, not realizing that our bodies become so worried about us that they ‘lovingly’ store the fat in our bodies, just in case we decide not to eat again. Again, our own faults.
You may be wondering why this rant on myself and my BBW sistahs. It’s simple really. A photograph was placed on our group wall the other day of a woman … a beautiful woman … with hips that measure more than 8 feet in circumference, and this is something of which she is proud. If you look at this woman you can see that from her face to her shoulders to her bustline and waist, she is your average full figured woman. Then there are the hips. And then her legs go back to average.
There is no way on God’s green earth that you can tell me she’s healthy. She spoke of the thousands photographs that have been taken of her, and the way that people stare at her when she walks down the road with her husband and family. She speaks of exercising, but her children have to pull her out of her seat at home, and when she does ‘exercise’ she only moves her arms. That has NOTHING to do with her girth.
It frightened me to look at this woman, and in my fear, I thought of all of us full figured women, many of us who believe that being comfortable with your body means sitting on our asses an doing nothing. As someone who has battled back from 396 lbs about eight years ago to 228 now (And I ain’t done yet!!), I think I have the right to yell at any and all of us when we sit and stew in complacence. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION. Nobody says that you have to wafer thin in order to be sexy … particularly since REAL men know that there ain’t nothin wrong with meat on a REAL woman, and guys, you need to get up off your asses and motivate your woman. What am saying is that we need to be the best of ourselves Love your curves, believe in your curves … Get to steppin and do the work!
Okay … I’ve said a mouthful.
Please … I beg of you … let’s get started. It’s for your own good!
Today is one of those days when the only thing that comes to mind is the overwhelming need to SCREAM…
It’s been a while since I’ve had one of these … but it feels the way it always does … heavy, annoying, attention-grabbing, yucky.
It’s one of those days when everyone that I speak to tells me that I need to let go of the past. It’s one of those times when people are surprisingly intuitive where I’m concerned and are really concerned that I get out of the funk.
That happens because people can’t properly deal with me in this mood. They expect ‘Happy Deemay’, ‘Bubbly Deemay’, ‘Always willing to help Deemay’. It’s off putting when the person who normally picks up the pieces needs to have her pieces picked up. OH MY GOODNESS!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO??! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THE HEALER NEEDS HEALING???!
Yes, she does. She needs to be held and comforted and talked to and soothed. She needs to hear that someone is there for her, and not just to offer her lip service and platitudes. She needs genuine concern and feeling. Basically … she needs love … agape … filial. She needs her troupes to gather themselves together and be available for her. She needs for them to know this intrinsically and not have to be told.
Where’s the Ben & Jerry’s What-A-Cluster or the bottle of Manischewitz Blackberry that would soothe her savaged soul and ravaged feathers? Where is the phone call that lets her know that someone out there … anywhere is in tune with what ails her, even though she’s still tryng to figure out precisely which one of her situations has brought on the feeling of fucked up blue funk that she is currently waddling through…
Dear Lord, make this crap go away! Whatever the ties that need to be cut, let them be cut. Whatever the fear that lingers then let it leave …. Just free me from this feeling of free-falling into the Land of Melancholia. I can’t live there … I WON’T live there … somebody please, PLEASE come get me…
My hands are reaching skyward, and I’m waiting…
I chose the title for this blog without giving much thought to the fact that I have an infamously short fuse; not to mention a way-too-low tolerance for bullshit.
How do I feel — REALLY?? The first words that spring to mind are … “WHAT??? YOU’RE JOKING RIGHT???!”, so incredulous is the question. The person who asks this has honestly been living under a huge-ass rock for a year.
NYEH NYEH – I TOLD YOU SO…
In a way, I feel vindicated. I said that no good would come of this holy People’s Partnership alliance and so far, no good has.
The unfortunate truth of the matter is that promises were their supposed future and broken promises are their present. There are thousands of citizens who are now mumbling and grumbling as they wonder why they signed on with the party in power – particularly the public servants and the people once employed by the CPEP programme. These are the people that they wooed, wined and dined with promises of higher wages, of job security, of integration into the services, of nests feathered with an endless supply of monetary goodies. They promised milk and honey and delivered cardboard and charcoal.
“COME CELEBRATE OUR YEAR OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS!”
Uhhhh … hello!!! What accomplishments?? You have done nothing more than take the credit for plans, projects and policies already in train; and not only have you taken the credit, you’ve been petty as hell about it. A prime example of same would be the ribbon cutting ceremony for the Powder Magazine Walk Over – the one with the elevators and ramps on both sides. This was the brainchild of then Minister of Works, Hon. Colm Imbert, yet JACK-IN-THE-BOX cuts the ribbon and does not deem it fit to invite Mr Imbert because as JACKASS-BOY puts it “H-h-h-h-e-e take t-t-tooo long!” PETTINESS!!!
The project is not … WAS not yours to take the glory for. It has been the same cry nationwide. None of your ideas have been original, so basically you’re doing stitches for another surgeon’s operation, Drs. Dread.
Mr Panday was brilliantly precise when he described the PP Government as FUNCITONAL, because that’s all you’ve been doing – going to functions; that and increasing your frequent flyer miles.
I BEEN HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE…
Must be nice travelling every other week, especially when you don’t have to pay. Why should you when there are so many giving taxpayers to rob … I mean rely on. It’s gotta be good being the PM – or one of her ministers/friends/family members/dog/cat/parakeet/hairdresser/stylists/side piece … cuz you know you’ll eventually get a trip or a hundred to somewhere. It must be great turning up in some foreign land or another, showing off your entourage – all under the guise of seeking the country’s interest. I’m sure that I’m not the only one awaiting the arrival of all of these supposed foreign investors for Trini … and I mean new ones, not the ones already courted by the former regime and the ones who were already putting ideas into action and landing on our shores. So yeah … you’re the ONLY one believing your hype.
HOW DO I REALLY FEEL??!
As a nation we feel hoodwinked, bamboozled, duped and run amok upon.
Personally I’M MAD AS HELL. Everyone who had a yellow t-shirt, some doubt and a voice went the way of CHANGE. Yeah we got change alright. We had a dollar and we changed it for five cents. Right now it looks as if we are still owed four of those five. Some of the newly disenchanted are attempting to soothe their wounds by saying that it wasn’t change but EXCHANGE.
This was not exchange, by any rate. Yes we had mismanagement, but dammit, it was manageable. There were instances of nepotism, but not like this. Crime existed and has always been a problem, but not on SO HIGH a level – and yes the rate is high, not matter how they attempt to doctor the headlines. There are crimes being committed and people being killed that are not being reported in a nasty attempt to drive the figures down. Racism is at an all time high, but hey … we’re alright – right???!
I am sick to my stomach as I watch my country unravel at its jagged seams.
We are sitting on a powder keg people. Wake up and smell the Johnny Walker Double Black and Grey Goose flavored coffee – a mixture that leaves a stench of vomit, greed, sex, lies, innuendo and ‘other’ unholy alliances behind.
Change? Yeah … change for the worst, alright …
Exchange? OH HELL NO!!! Not by along shot!!!
Are you prepared to deal with this particularly nightmarish scenario for another four years???
Be honest with yourself … a year has passed – how do YOU feel??!